Proofreaders: happyBuddha, Kai, Lee, m@o, Marcia
Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.
–Oscar Wilde
Upon hearing this, Xu Ping froze before starting to shudder involuntarily.
The
feeling of suffocation seemed to have come back again.
His
head was spinning. Maybe it was the alcohol finally hitting him.
He
put his hand on the stack of study materials and breathed, “Sorry, it’s getting
late. I’m going to go.”
He
made to take the books but was stopped by a hand.
“What’re
you afraid of?”
“I’m
not afraid.”
“Is it me?”
“I’m
not afraid of anybody.”
Huang
Fan laughed. “I thought you’d already guessed. Out of all the people I know
from high school you’re the only one who still calls me President Huang.”
“...no,
it’s not what you think.”
“Xu
Ping.” Huang Fan kept his eyes on him. “You and I are the same.”
After
a pause, Xu Ping repeated, “Sorry, I really have to go.”
He
hurriedly stood up, but Huang Fan grabbed him, making him fall back on the
couch. The older man locked his hands above his head and hovered over him.
Xu
Ping was so shocked and angry he was shaking.
“Let
go!”
“Tell
me who hit you.”
“Nobody
hit me.”
Huang
Fan stared at his face, scoffing. “Liar.”
Xu
Ping struggled against the other man. “I fell down the stairs!”
Huang
Fan continued looking down at Xu Ping for a moment before touching his face. “It
must hurt. Do you love him so much that you won’t even resist when he beats
you?”
Xu
Ping shook his head furiously. “Go to hell! Let go of me!”
“No
wonder you’re so depressed. Does he know your feelings?”
“Shut
up!”
“So
he hasn’t realized. And you’re too scared to tell him, aren’t you? Since you’re
both men.”
“Shut
your mouth!”
“How
much do you love him? Do you love him so much you touch yourself at night
calling his name? So much that you shudder when you get close to him? So much
that you wake up from a wet dream about him, your legs and pants covered with
cum?”
Xu
Ping kicked at Huang Fan but he only held the leg down.
“You
lost so much weight partly because of the exam but also because you’ve realized you have fallen desperately in love, right? You want to run but you can’t. You’re in so much pain but have no one to turn to. How would they look at you if they knew? That the smart, proper student, Xu Ping, was a disgusting homosexual? You’re too scared to tell your parents, too scared to tell your
friends. You find yourself alone in this world with nowhere to go except here, because you know only I can understand your pain, only I can comfort your soul. How long did you wait for me outside? Two hours? Three? Or maybe four? Poor Xu Ping. You’re so heartbroken, yet you put on an act as if you’re all right. You’re on the verge of breaking down yet you don’t have the courage to tell anyone your secret.”
Xu
Ping clenched his teeth.
“You fear me, don’t you? Because looking at me is like looking at yourself, dirty
and disgusting. That’s why sly little you always kept your distance no matter
how I tried to get to know you. You keep running away whenever someone forces
you to face the problem. You must be getting desperate to be coming to me on
your own accord. You have no other way out, so you’d even drink a poison like
me. Isn’t that right?”
Then Huang Fan burst out in guffaws as though he
thought of something funny.
While holding down Xu Ping, he began unbuttoning his own
shirt at a leisurely pace. “I spent the entire day speaking with a bunch of
idiots and crazies. I’m starting to doubt that these guys actually have brains,
thinking they could conquer the world with a couple thousand students?! The
direness of the situation is painfully obvious, but they still think the
revolution is near its victory and won’t leave the square no matter what. Their
hearts are empty and weak, not even knowing what they are chasing after. The
crowd cheers, and they explode with bloody passion; they parade the flag of
democracy while not even knowing what democracy is. Or they’re just daydreamers
who dare to have a vision but hold none of the abilities to make those visions
come true. Once they run into trouble, I’m called onto the scene to wipe their
asses. I’ve had it with these so-called team members!”
He took off his shirt, revealing the lean and powerful
torso underneath. “Then, as if I hadn’t had enough today, you show up. I spent
the whole day dealing with those sons of bitches at the square and just wanted
to come home, take a nice shower and relax. But no, you come to my door crying
like a little bitch. I’m not the one you like, but you still come here looking
for comfort after getting beat up, and like always you try to run away when we
hit the crux of the issue. What the hell makes you think I’m a damn doormat for
you to walk on whenever you want?!”
Then he stopped speaking and leaned down towards Xu
Ping until his breath was warm against the younger man’s face. For a split
second, his eyes were gentle.
“That guy doesn’t understand your pain at all, not one
bit. It makes me furious to think that something I had liked for so long was
treated so roughly by someone else.”
He grabbed Xu Ping by the hair and forced a kiss.
Startled, Xu Ping fought back.
“Shit! You actually bit me!” Huang Fan wiped away the
blood from his lips and sat up, leaving Xu Ping.
He sat on the couch by Xu Ping’s feet and slipped out
a box of cigarettes. He slid one out, lit it with a click of the lighter and
breathed out a cloud of white smoke.
Xu Ping sat up panting wildly, face full of shock.
“All right, you leave now. I can’t help you with your
problem.”
Xu Ping didn’t reply.
“If you don’t leave now, there are no guarantees I
won’t rape you.”
Xu Ping sat there for a while, pondering, before
saying, “I’m sorry.”
Huang Fan paused with his cigarette and asked, “What?
Is that pity?”
“No, not pity. I just think we’re alike.”
Huang Fan scoffed, “I’m not a candy-ass who can’t say
shit to the person I love!”
After some silence, Xu Ping nodded. “You’re right.
I’ll probably never express my feelings for him because the one I love is none
other than my blood brother, Xu Zheng.”
With that said, he headed for the door without
checking for Huang Fan’s reaction. His darkest, most hideous secret of his eighteen
years of life, the thorn imbedded in his flesh, had been exposed so casually.
Why would he love his brother? What hatred must
destiny have harboured to curse him with this twisted and perverse romance? Xu
Ping couldn’t find the answers. Sometimes when he looked into the mirror, he
even had the unbearable thought that he was not human, for underneath that
average face was a frightening beast, lurking quietly.
His hand had just touched the doorknob when the man
behind him grabbed his arm. Then he was spun around, and he struggled against
the grip for a moment and only a moment.
Wiping the tears from Xu Ping’s face, Huang Fan
sighed. “You really won’t let me off that easily, eh.”
This time Xu Ping did not fight back when he was
kissed. Perhaps it was because his shady secrets had been exposed to this man
that he could feel this carefree.
“Have you done it before with anybody?” Huang Fan
asked as he carried Xu Ping back to the couch.
Xu Ping shook his head.
Huang Fan smiled delightedly.
“Oh yeah?” he said. “Then let me be your brother, Xu
Ping.”
The sky was completely dark now. Rain began falling, exploding with plops when it hit the glass.
The curtains in the living room were not drawn, but
the clouds hid the moon, and the room was so dark nothing could be discerned.
Feeling chilly, Xu Ping had to fight hard not to
shiver.
Huang Fan poured out half a glass of baijiu in the
kitchen and brought it to Xu Ping. “Drink.”
Xu Ping thought it was water and took a big gulp. The
stinging smell rushed up his nose and into his skull, and he began coughing.
“What is that?”
Huang Fan only chuckled.
He took a bit into his mouth and grabbed the back of
Xu Ping’s head for another forceful kiss.
Xu Ping felt the liquor dripping down along his neck
and then a flaming hot muscle stirring his mouth.
He had never experienced such a strange sensation, as
if he were being violated from the inside. While his protests came out as
muffled noises, his hands pushed the other man.
But they were quickly caught by Huang Fan, who put
them behind his neck. “Hold onto me.”
Everything smelled like alcohol. His hair. His skin.
Xu Ping felt as though his brain were fried by the smell, and his nose was
about to break down.
His white shirt was ripped open, the buttons clinking
after they sprang away.
He wanted to say no, but there was another tongue in
his mouth blocking the way.
Every part of him was being touched. The other man was
sucking his neck while roughly playing with his chest as he would that of a
woman. He was met with an unusual tingle that shot up his spine when his
nipples were touched, and he couldn’t hold back a yelp.
Taking notice of this, Huang Fan ducked down and began
licking, flicking a nipple with his tongue.
Xu Ping clenched his teeth while his chest rose and
fell violently.
His belt was undone. His pants were torn off.
The man’s hand was on his penis which was only
slightly engorged, not yet hard.
Huang Fan held the younger man in his arms, licking
his ear while stroking his penis.
Eyes tightly shut, Xu Ping stayed soundless.
Fingers drew circles on the head of his member. Hands were
wrapped around his penis, kneading. He was erect but his erection was soft and
limp.
Huang Fan was licking his neck when he suddenly
whispered in his ear, “Gege.”
Xu Ping shuddered as though electricity ran through
him. His member instantly filled with blood, hardening into a rod.
In the house where nothing could be discerned; even
the scents were muddied by alcohol. The person behind him was tall and his
embrace warm. He was calling him gege.
He was licking his earlobe. Who is this? Who is this?
I love you, Gege.
Don’t leave me, Gege.
I love Gege,
but Gege doesn’t love me.
We have to be together forever, Gege.
Gege. Gege.
Oh, it must be Xiao-Zheng.
So it’s Xiao-Zheng.
His eyes closed, Xu Ping reached behind himself to cup
his brother’s face.
Don’t be afraid, Xiao-Zheng, I will always protect you. Gege will never leave you.
His underwear was peeled off. His legs were spread
open.
It was embarrassing to be facing the door with his
legs splayed wide open, but as long as it was what his brother wanted, he was
fine with it.
Even if his nipples were painfully twisted or his
member roughly treated, he would still shake uncontrollably at even the
lightest breath down his neck from his brother.
He rested his head back on the shoulder behind him and
reached with both hands to hug his neck.
Feeling his brother’s erection poking at his waist, he
couldn’t help but touch it, but he was stopped.
Then he was flipped over like a fish in a pan to land
face down on the couch with his butt high in the air.
Both his hands were being held down while relentless
kisses trailed down his spine.
His cheeks were spread apart. Xu Ping shuddered from
the pain when one finger entered him. The foreign invasion made him struggle,
as though his body knew, despite the amount of alcohol flowing through him,
that he would fall victim to immense pain if he were not to fight back now.
“Gege.”
Hearing the gentle beckon, he eventually stopped
writhing.
The finger slid in and out of him. Soon, one became
two.
It took Xu Ping a very long time before he realized
why his brother had to play with that filthy place. He pressed his face against
the couch and bore with it in silence.
It didn’t feel good at all, but if it was what his
brother wanted, it didn’t matter if he was going to bleed or be broken.
The thought of his brother entering him made him shake
with fear but also want to cry from excitement.
There was a voice in his head constantly reminding him
that something was wrong, but he purposely ignored it. He didn’t want to think
about anything just this once. Just once was good enough. Then he would abandon
all these feelings to become a good son, a good brother.
He raised his head and urged the person behind him
with closed eyes, “Hurry.”
He heard a quiet laugh from behind.
Silently, he repeated his brother’s name.
Xiao-Zheng. Xiao-Zheng. Xiao-Zheng.
He was ready.
Then – CLICK!
– the lights came on in the living room as though it had woken up from its
dream.
He heard a young man’s slightly accented voice say as
luggage was tossed onto the ground, “What the hell. You left the door
unlocked…”
It was the roommate.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
ayszhang: Keep in mind what happened in this chapter, as it comes back to bite us(?) in the butt.
On another note, I've settled back at home, the lovely Raincouver. School started for me, and while I have a light courseload, I will be working in my parents' office on the days I have off from school. Translation will be put aside for the most part, so I won't be updating as often as before, but like always the dates will be posted on the update schedule section. These dates indicate when the following chapter will be posted.
Also, I would like to warn readers against reading our work on other sites, as this is the only site where we post our novel translations.
Twenty-five
Brother - English Translation by ayszhang is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
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