Chinese BL Translations: Living to Suffer

Translator: ayszhang
Editor: Marcia

Living to Suffer chapter 20
The prequel to TDDUP
Finale NSFW

Shen Liangsheng caught the fragrance of osmanthus. Many fortnights remained till autumn, but the year-round osmanthus in the corner of the yard had already budded and was exuding a subtle sweetness.

Amidst the aroma, he leisurely ran through a set of sword techniques, returned his weapon to its sheath and immediately caught sight of the man by the window gazing at him over his book. Their eyes met, and the man ducked his head nonchalantly and continued reading the saints’ words.

“Ch’in-taifu,” Shen Liangsheng strode to the window, hands clasped behind his back, and inquired casually, “How many pages have you read in these two hours?”

“Quite a few, naturally,” Ch’in Ching quickly answered without looking up from the page. Far from showing self-consciousness, he even fired back a question. “Shen-hufa, have you bathed in the medicinal spring today?”

“Was it not Ch’in-taifu who suggested that I go in the evening?” Shen Liangsheng raised his brows. “Or is that an invitation to bathe together?”

“Shen-hufa, you overthink,” the doctor replied almost immediately, but his expression was not quite right. Though his head was still facing down at his book, his ears were slowly but surely turning red.

“Ch’in Ching.” The taller man reached over the window sill and closed the book. “No use reading if your heart’s not in it.”

“And how would Shen-hufa know that mine’s not?” He finally looked up, and his lips were curved in a delicate arc.

“How would I know?” Shen Liangsheng shot him a look. “For the past two hours, have you been looking at the book or at me?”

“Hah…” Just now he had been flustered by the man’s utterance, but now he was like a cooked pig – the boiling water no longer affected him – and he leaned over his desk and lightly slapped Shen Liangsheng’s face. “Hey beautiful, you’re too modest.”

He should know never to spar verbally with this man, someone who would dare run a dye house after learning the names of three colours.

Shen Liangsheng caught the doctor’s hand and pulled him over to silence that cheeky mouth of his.

Surreptitiously, the sweet scent of osmanthus burrowed between their lips and lingered on the tip of their tongues, instantly stimulating the taste buds.

For a moment he was lost. He felt an overwhelming sense of contentedness, but that was still not enough. Then he had the most absurd idea – he wanted to ferment this man, whom he was kissing while separated by a window sill, into a bottle of wine with the sweet osmanthus and sip it for the rest of his life.

Ch’in Ching had his torso pulled up against the desk, and soon the edge dug painfully into his waist, and he wiggled in discomfort.

Shen Liangsheng released his lips and hopped in through the window. He pulled the man into his arms and planted kisses all over his face.

“There’s a door for you to use, but you chose to jump through the window – you must be a thief!” Ch’in Ching teased as he giggled from the ticklish advance.

“What in your hut is worth stealing?” Shen Liangsheng began easing towards the bed, his intention blatantly obvious.

“Well, there’s a real live person right here.” Ch’in Ching just didn’t know when to quit. He was pinned down on the bed and still teased in the man’s ear. “So of course you’re stealing him.”

Shen Liangsheng slid a hand under the doctor’s clothes and began to explore.

The summer garments were thin and few in number. He squeezed the man’s nipples through a thin layer of cotton, and it was not long before the adorable nubs hardened and perked up.

“Does it feel good here?” Shen Liangsheng removed the doctor’s outer robe and sucked on the nubs over his undershirt. Saliva moistened the cloth, leaving two lewd, dark circles.

“Yeah…” It appeared that Ch’in Ching was successfully aroused as he tugged at his own collar exposing the perky tips. “So kiss it some more.”

Shen Liangsheng dipped down and latched onto those two cute things, playing with them. His hand wandered down to the man’s groin and as expected found a hardening erection.

“Nnh…” A weak mewl escaped from Ch’in Ching’s lips. Perhaps the stimulation of a warm palm around his member was truly phenomenal, for a murmur escaped, too. “I love you, Shen Liangsheng.”

“…”

“What’s wrong?” Ch’in Ching opened his eyes and looked at the man curiously, wondering why he had stopped.

“Nothing. Do you want more?” He responded smoothly, but actually he was taken by surprise. He knew very well that this man would say anything as long as he was pleasured in bed, and he had heard this “I love you” more than enough times. This time, however, for some odd reason, his heartbeat picked up its pace.

“More…” Naturally, this was the only viable reply since his manhood had just come to full attention under the care of the taller man. Then, as though he recalled their past intimacties and the joy his ass felt, he added quietly, “…and don’t forget the back.”

“Even if someone’s not a beauty, they should still have a little modesty, too.” Shen Liangsheng resumed the verbal sparring after composing himself, although his hands did not rest. He quickly stripped the two of them bare and began probing Ch’in Ching’s backside and the entrance between the cheeks.

“With a face like that, it’s no wonder you don’t think anyone else is beautiful.” Ch’in Ching pulled a dejected expression as he clung to Shen Liangsheng’s arm and groused, “Anyways, I’m a man, not a woman. You should be satisfied that I’ve got all the parts in the right places, not thinking badly of my looks.”

“Who said I thought badly of you?” The doctor’s actions made him want to laugh, but naturally he did not actually do so. He instead leaned close to his ear and whispered, “Besides, Ch’in-taifu, haven’t you heard the expression, ‘a lover always sees a legendary beauty?’ ”

At once, the doctor settled down, and another red flush filled his face. For some reason, in that moment, Shen Liangsheng found the man to be rather good-looking, not just the face but the entire body. He wanted nothing more than to love every bit of him from his silky strands to his toes

As he was thinking this, he slowly planted kisses starting with his brows. He visited those affectionate eyes, those moist lips and that quivering Adam’s apple. He greeted his straight collarbone, his naked chest and those alert nipples. He trailed past his flat abdomen and flicked his tongue in his belly button before sliding downward and licking his pubic hairs. He caressed the member that was as smooth as a virgin’s and sucked its head attentively. He brushed over the soft inner thighs and the swollen sac and carefully moistened the winking opening. He made his way down those slender legs, past the bony ankles to the toes already curled in arousal.

“Mmnn…Shen Liangsheng…” The kisses made Ch’in Ching lose control, and he kept moaning the man’s name, repeating incoherantly, “I love you…”

No. It was not a hallucination. Something was not right here.

When Shen Liangsheng heard that “I love you” again, his heart jumped and sped up even more, accompanied by a peculiar sense of frustration.

He penetrated deeply into the man and shared a long, breathless kiss with him. He rocked against the man at a dizzying pace, but the frustration persisted all the same.

“Ah!” Suddenly, Ch’in Ching was pulled up to a sitting position. The shaft inside him reached an impossible depth and he let out a yelp.

Shen Liangsheng now was face-to-face with the doctor in his arms as he pounded into him. He didn’t know how else to ease that feeling, and his brows knitted more and more tightly.

“I love you…Ah-Liang…I love you…”

Perhaps Ch’in Ching had detected the taller man’s mood and wanted to say something comforting, completely unaware that it was only adding gasoline to the flame.

“Do you really?”

Everything came to a standstill when he heard his own question. The sense of frustration dissipated with his words and was replaced by an inchoate fear.

He finally remembered. This was but a dream.

It was summertime in the dream. They had just met and were already converging in naked honesty.

Time had been reversed. Space had been altered. It was but a delusion.

And what was on his mind was merely the question:

“Do you really love me?”

“I love you, Shen Liangsheng.” Sure enough, the man gave him the one answer that he wanted.

With that, black silk became white fibres, and his face was now devoid of flesh and blood, no more than a dried layer of skin stretched over bones.

“I love you, it’s true.”

No matter how terrifying his face was, those eyes were as sincere and tender as always. With sincerity and tenderness, they confessed their love for him.

“That is good… That alone is enough.”

Now, the fear faded, too. No fright, no dread, he held a dried corpse tightly and continued their intimacy in the dream as though his life depended on it.

Perhaps the nights before war were unusually long. When Shen Liangsheng opened his eyes, the sky was still dark and the world tranquil.

Thus he lay, still and quiet, and took out the meng ts’ao from his chest pocket and then the sachet.

The potpourri had been removed a long time ago, and the only thing inside was a small handful of flying ash that Miao Jan managed to secure that day. The amount was so pitifully small that the bottom of the sachet could not be fully lined.

Shen Liangsheng stuck a digit inside to collect a few particles, held it against his lip, and licked it clean.

Of course, it had no taste.

Just like that “I truly do love you,” it was tangible in his dream but became nothingness when he awoke.

Slowly but surely, dawn broke. Shen Liangsheng rose, dressed, did his hair and opened his door to the final battle of his life.

“Forgive me, Ch’in Ching, for I cannot keep the promise I made.”

By the end of the battle, the Hsing Sect had mostly perished or surrendered. Perhaps there were a few who escaped, but they would not post a threat.

The two elders and four t’angchu had all died, leaving only Shen Liangsheng. Perhaps he could still escape, but he had no wish to do so.

“Not because I hate you, but because I found out after trying that I cannot.”

The radiant sun hung high in the sky, casting rays of heavenly principle. The mounting debt of blood and murder must be repaid.

Covered with wounds, Shen Liangsheng gripped his sword as skilled warriors surrounded him in a momentary deadlock.

As though sensing its owner’s intentions, the sword emitted a long, high-pitched shriek.

Not in protest but in heartbreak.

The sword was still crying with sorrow, but its owner smiled.

“You leave me with three words of ambiguity, but I will return three of sincerity.”

The summer shower had long ceased. The umbrella painted with inky reeds had long succumbed to the mud. Everything truly from the start had long been predestined.

But had he the power to reverse time, to return to that tiny cosmos, to look into those eyes once again, to hear the man ask him that question…

He would surely smile and tell him:

“Grant me death.”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

ayszhang: And that brings us to the end of this story... I've included a link to TDDUP if you want to read what happened in their next lives :')

Who was at fault? Who wronged whom? It's this "unfinished business" that constitutes what the Chinese calls affinity, and this invisible bond ensures their lives cross paths again in the next life.

My Patreon is linked here if you would like to donate a buck or two monthly. Now that I am out of university, I need to work and support myself. Any small amount is a great help and alleviates financial pressure off my back :) Thank you to the Patreons who have contributed.

Nineteen

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