Translator: ayszhang
Proofreaders: Gwen, krabbykabbi, Luzo, Pau & Red
Cold Sands ch 29
More loving moments between Heng and Han here!
XXIX Choices
The atmosphere of war suddenly intensified over night.
Xu Zheng is a
quiet man with a determined air. Clad in black armour and holding his personal
sword, he bows to Heng Ziyu and me before turning to leave. I watch as his tall
figure disappears into the masses.
Using the
gloomy evening as cover, twenty thousand elite soldiers leave discreetly. They
are going to set up ambush for the Yan along the path to the capital in hopes
to stall the southern descent of the steel hooves of Yan, and in turn buy more
time for defense preparations of the capital. A winding line of shaky
torchlight snakes out the city like a red serpent disappearing into the dark
night.
The soldiers
left to defend the city all hold their spears up, lower their heads and bow.
That is the martial ceremony of the highest respect in Great Rui—performed only for the warriors who are not returning.
I hear a low
sigh from beside me.
Night comes but
sleep does not come to me.
I can hear the
distant sound of the water clock. I haven’t had any shuteye yet and am still
gazing at the gloomy hall. After some time, I feel a sudden rush of frustration
so I put on a robe and leave the bed. Immediately, Liu An rushes over.
“I am going to the walls,” I tell him
calmly.
Liu An speaks
quietly, “It will be daybreak soon, Your Majesty. Why don’t–.”
I leave before
he could finish.
The moon is in
the middle of the tranquil night sky.
The city gates
have long been closed and only the night guards are patrolling along the walls.
The campfires crackle and embers burst forth, seeming extra clear in the
silence.
I sigh and lie
on a crenel, gazing at the pitch black sky.
The capital is
still the capital but in my eyes, it has lost its beauty and luxury. And the
days of glamour, wine and girls have gone too far to reach.
The prosperity
and liveliness of Lake Yu and the bustling clamor in the markets is still the
same but I wonder how much of those things will remain when that day comes.
And if I will
make it out alive.
I taste a
bitter tang in my mouth and close my eyes. I’m not sure where to start
organizing my disarrayed feelings.
“Your Majesty?”
Startled, I
whisk around to find Heng Ziyu standing behind me in inky black armour as
dark as night. It appears he hasn’t gotten any rest yet—his sword is still by his side. He’s looking straight
at me, not paying attention to any etiquette.
“You have not
rested yet?” I ask casually.
He replies with
a serious expression, “Aren’t You here too, Your Majesty?”
“I could not find sleep so I thought I would take a stroll,” I say smiling. “I know You have had a long day. Better get some rest.”
I’ve taken a
few steps when I spot out of the corner of my eye that he is trailing behind me
and soon he catches up to me. I look up a little at the sparkling stars in the
black backdrop. “It sure is quiet.”
He looks up too
before looking back into the distance ahead. “It won’t be anymore very soon. I
wonder how things will be when the two sides clash.”
I chuckle
helplessly, “What else? Bloodshed, death, suffering, skeletons everywhere.”
“Your Majesty.”
He turns to me with a doubtful gaze. “Are You afraid?”
I let my smile
fade and shake my head. “If I was
afraid I would probably be in Yening
south of the Qihe River by now.”
Our footsteps
are slow and light, making the quietest noises against the limestone
“It’s just
that, well, I feel bad for dragging
You into this.”
I chuckle a
little while looking downward. He immediately frowns and argues, “What are You
saying? This is part of my duties as Your subject.”
I turn away to
the same-old night sky.
I have to say
that our relationship seems to have gone past the initial weak alliance and
there seems to be this thing called trust slowly blooming.
“I could
understand why You had sent Duchess Yu Qing and the Eldest. The other officials
and royalty, however…” His question trails off.
I look back at
him. He’s gazing at me, waiting for my explanation.
They all think
I sent the duchess and the young son away for personal reasons but this man is
cunning enough to see that I have an ulterior motive.
He’s still
watching me with a serious expression. I laugh, “Why not be straightforward
about it if You have already guessed it.”
His expression
changes as he speaks through clenched teeth. “Could it be…a back-up plan?”
I drop the
smile and turn my head, “Honestly speaking,
I do not know what the future holds or whether I will live or die. If I
die, then they can declare Duke Yu Qing’s eldest emperor in the South and
continue fighting the Yan. The natural barricades of the Qihe River are easy to
defend and hard to attack. The Yan are not adept at fighting in water and they
have a fight of their own back home. With that Great Rui will be able to live
on in the South.”
He opens his lips
as if to speak but falters.
“I would have lost the people’s faith if I had relocated in the beginning and
fighting back would be even harder to accomplish.” I spit, “Not to mention, I would be laughed at by the world, how
the Rui are just spineless fools. Even if we won, our sons and daughters would
have to live with the ridicule and shame! Even if I had to die I would
want to die nobly!”
Something moves
in his eyes; it looks like he’s touched.
“You are
betting against high stakes, Your Majesty.”
“High stakes?
Yes, I am. But,” I turn to look at
him. “Did you not do the same thing back in the day? We are the same kind of
people from that point.”
He stays quiet
and looks away into the distance.
I do, too, and
rest my hands on a crenel.
“Do You still
have family, Marshal?”
“I have always
been away from home and have not married. My parents have both passed away. There’s
only my younger sister, Heng Zixiang,” he says with a gentle smile.
“Ziyu, Zixiang—very good names,” I say with a smile of my own. “Perhaps
it is time to consider marriage at this age now, Marshal”
“My sister
always says that she must be consulted before I get married. My parents doted
on her a lot and made her quite bossy and often stubborn.”
I can’t help
remembering Xiao Qinyun. I laugh, “I
see. I had originally thought about
marrying a princess off to You when the war ends for the immeasurable
contribution You have made to the country.”
“Is that really
true, Your Majesty?” He freezes and drops his smile.
“Taking a
princess’ hand in marriage is fit for Your contributions.” I squint as a few
morning rays peek over the horizons in the east. “However, all the princesses
still in the palace now have a temper, too.
I am afraid You would be the one to suffer.”
I can’t help
but smile and shake my head. Between a royal-born princess and his beloved little
sister—I don’t think even a champion
warrior like him is able to escape the troubles of having to deal with familial
affairs like these.
“Your Majesty,”
he asks quietly after a silence. “I should not be asking this but, well, why
have You not named an empress or consort yet?”
My stomach twists
up and I say in a self-mocking tone. “Thank You for the concern, but no one
knows what is going to happen. I
cannot just leave them widowed for no reason. Plus, these things should be
between two people in love.” I look down and pause. “And I don’t think I can
ever…”
I murmur. “Not again
in this life…”
The rays grow
brighter and brighter, staining the east pale white. The dark plains turn into
a rich green colour under its radiance, extending to the horizons as though
boundless.
What a
beautiful realm.
The two of us
do not exchange any more words and only cast our gazes off over the vast
stretch of flatland. The clouds churn like the ocean and the sunlight bursts through,
shooting over the battlements towards the wispy clouds on the other end of the
sky.
♚♔
In the secret chamber, the Wraith leader is kneeling
before me, handing me a thin piece of paper with his head lowered. Liu An takes
it and passes it to me. Calmly, I open and read it.
I have to
admit, the Wraiths are quite efficient. They arrived at the Yan capital in the
shortest amount of time possible and quickly got in touch with all sorts of
parties, including the previously existing ones. Not only have they gotten in
contact with people working for the two princes, they even obtained information
from the inner palace.
I remember when
I was still in the Yan camp, Murong Yu mentioned that his father was ill, but
according to their information, it seems the emperor’s illness has worsened and
he even fainted several times. Administration has gone to the left minister,
the royal guards to the second prince, and the troops stationed in the capital
to the third prince.
While the
emperor is too sick to oversee the country and the prince royal is out at war,
the maternal branches have started to act up. The left minister has tried his
best to suppress them but to no avail. More and more people are getting
involved in all areas and it has just become a mess.
The empress may
be the emperor’s wife but she doesn’t have his affection. The emperor has
always preferred the prince royal. He had been disappointed by the second and
third prince’s disregard towards his generosity. The empress’ elder brother,
the right minister, has always been trying to get the second prince the throne.
Amongst them
all, the second prince has the highest hopes to ascend the throne. He was born
to the emperor’s wife and his uncle is the right minister. Through many years’
efforts, he has controlled the royal guards and plots to usurp the throne.
The prince
royal has no support from his mother, only the support of the left minister.
The left minister belongs to Empress Dowager Xiao’s clan. The emperor has
agreed and promised to marry the left minister’s daughter and the prince royal.
The left minister has a strong footing and a lot of influence throughout the
court. Once the prince royal takes his daughter as wife, it means he will be
under the protection of the Xiao clan. No one would dare easily disregard the
power of the Xiao clan.
I hold the
paper above the candle and the flames leap up to devour the words. Bits of
ashes flutter around.
As I gaze at
the dark yellow flames, the past flashes before my eyes and makes my heart
ache.
After a long silence,
I ask in a raspy voice. “Have you seen the princes themselves?”
The Wraith
shakes his head. “In reply to Your Majesty, no, but we have met with their
people.”
“What is the
situation?”
He hesitates
for a moment. “According to the report, they were interested in our offer but
did not express any wish to cooperate. The second prince even said he would only
consider it if Your Majesty personally wrote to him.”
I scoff
silently to myself. I doubt it’s just a written letter he wants. I’m afraid I
have to stamp my imperial seal too.
“They even said
that whether they will or not depends on Your sincerity.” He presses lower to
the floor after seeing my expression.
Sincerity, huh.
It’s none other than giving him what he wants. As a mortal, desires never stray
far from fame, profit, power, authority, wealth and sex. A few more
back-and-forths with him and I’ll know exactly what he desires.
I wave my hand.
“I understand. You may retire for
now.”
He leaves with his
back bent and Liu An follows him out. I feel exhausted all of a sudden so I
collapse on a comfy rug and let my mind wander.
If they say so,
that means I have a chance to reach an alliance with them. If I invest everything
into lighting the Yan army’s backyard on fire, then they surely won’t have the
pleasure of entertaining the frontiers; if Great Yan falls into an unstable
state, or even the emperor passes away, the left minister would not allow the
prince royal to be away from the capital. He would definitely order a retreat.
Even if it’s not the entire army, the prince would need to return at the least.
I’m betting
against high stakes and so are they.
It’s just that
I’m betting the future of Great Rui while they are betting their future
welfare.
The only
similarity is that we are all past the point of no return.
One careless
move, one wrong step and what awaits us is a bottomless pit.
I sigh softly and
close my eyes.
I don’t have a
second choice.
I spring up
like a fish out of water. I lay out some letter paper, grind the ink, pinch the
brush tip and start writing.
“From the
Emperor of Great Rui, to His Highness, the Second Prince of Yan…”
I start chortling
as I write. Thank goodness no one knows, or else those old farts would get
caught up on the way of addressing. Those old farts love wasting time on these
useless matters.
Names aren’t
important at all right now. Anything is fine as long as I can keep my country
safe.
I don’t know
how long it has been when I have finished. I shake out my sore wrist and glance
down. What I see gives me a fright. Damn. I wrote six full pages. I remember back
when I would rack my brains out but still couldn’t even get one page done when
Master Liao used to make us write essays. I guess people just perform better
under pressure.
With my head
propped on my hand, I carefully read over the letter and after much
consideration, take out the jade seal and stamp it. The stinging vermillion
design sinks into the paper with a thud.
Dynasty of Great Rui
Seeing these words, I laugh out bitterly.
If the past emperors heard about their seal being used on this flimsy piece
of paper, they would probably be so angry that they cough up blood.
After slipping the letter into an envelope, I write in lively handwriting
‘Dear His Highness, the Second Prince of Yan.’ I summon the Wraith and hand it
to him.
“Deliver this to Yan hastily. It must be given directly to the second
prince and tell them I will agree to
any condition as long as they cooperate.”
The leader nods in obedience. I get Liu An to take a sizable amount of
treasures and money out of the private reserves for the Wraith to bring along.
I have to admit that this method is despicable but I’ve no choice.
I walk over to the windows whose blinds have been lowered by the maids.
Between the bamboo strips, I see that outside the hall the night sky is filled
with rain and still pitch black. The sound of the wind sounds chilling to the
bones.
Suddenly, I feel the cold coiling around me. I hug myself and back up
against the cold wall.
It’s been raining constantly since autumn began. The South has always been
plagued by floods and even though there has been no news about it yet, I doubt
it’s anything to rejoice over. The war in the North is already taking all the
resources so if the South floods then we really…
My head starts pulsing with pain and there seems to be sharp ringing in my
ears.
With an entire empire resting upon the shoulders of one person, he is bound
to tire even if he were made of steel. Yet I do not have the luxury to be
tired.
While I sit on the throne above all else, those kneeling officials are
obviously sneaking glances at me. They are watching from deep within the
palace; they are watching from the treacherous court; they are watching from
the warring chaos.
I shut my eyes and curl into myself.
I had hesitated and wondered if it’s worth giving my all for a country that
fills me with sorrow. However, I have no other choice now. Father has told me
with his actions that this kind of sacrifice must be made to prevent the loss
and destruction of this land and establishment.
This makes me laugh out of pity.
But why must my love be the
price?
The rainwater trickles
down from the roof in uninterrupted streams. Beyond the blinds, rain falls in
solid sheets and black clouds line the horizon.
♚♔
The capital is under heavy
security by now. Entrance or exit is not permitted. Fully armed soldiers stand
guard and patrol every street corner. The rich and poor alike all stash their
food for emergencies. The government distributes food to those who haven’t
gotten the chance to evacuate and helps them settle down.
Those officials who always looked so relaxed finally know the meaning of
working like a bee. They all know the more time they save and the more that
gets done, the probability of winning increases and the chance of surviving
increases.
After the morning court and after reading through the memorials, I decided
to go for a stroll on the wall. I reach the place where Heng Ziyu discusses the
war with his generals. There are a surprising amount of soldiers and officials
coming and going.
I draw near and signal for the guards to remain silent. I see many captains
and generals around the military map, surrounding one person—Heng
Ziyu. He has changed to dark, casual attire that accentuates his unique air which,
along with his determined and confident speech, makes him seem more like the
champion that he is.
I stay there quietly for some time. They don’t notice me and only focus on
the defense plans. I feel relieved and leave.
Only after a few steps, I hear his voice. “Your Majesty.”
I turn in time to see him striding over, looking stern as always. “Your
Majesty is here early today.”
“There is nothing more important,” I reply with a smile.
He nods and I walk into the room. The soldiers perform the rituals before
leaving discreetly. I pace to the map and he trails behind me.
“How is Your injury?”
I only think of the recent assassination when he asks this. Almost
reflexively, I touch the injured arm and feel a faint ache. His burning gaze is
filled with concern. I look back and say, “Many thanks for the concern. It is
fine now.”
He says after a short pause, “I did not have time to remove my sword that
day when I heard the commotion inside. Bringing weapons into the palace is
supposed to be punishable by death. I–”
I interrupt him with a dismissing wave. “You are overreacting. If it were
not for You, I would be with Emperor
Shun by now. So in that sense, You are actually my saviour.”
He falters for a moment before recovering. “Please do not say so, Your
Majesty. However, what You did afterwards was very impressive.”
“It is just that every emperor must bring his own people to the court,” I
sigh.
Heng Ziyu takes several steps closer. “You’re completely different from the
person I knew before becoming emperor.”
I take a few steps away while keeping the same face. “How could one
possibly know the future?”
He nods, smiling. “That is absolutely right. I entered the army not knowing
the riches in my future. You probably had no idea when You were just a Golden
Guardian that You would be the supreme ruler that You are now.”
I crack a small smile.
Heng Ziyu still talks with the arrogance and pride of a powerful official
and lacks a bit of respect but he is still easier to converse with than the
others. All those old farts have been scared witless by my purge and don’t dare
make a sound. They are always shaking like a leaf as if I’m going to kill them.
How pathetic is it that I’ve come to this.
“But Your Majesty seems to still be troubled. I often see You quietly
brooding.”
I look back at him. “Marshal, do You really think I can be happy being the emperor?”
The autumn wind has turned cold and harsh, sneaking into my clothing.
Looking up at the sky, I sigh. “In the others’ eyes, being the emperor and
being able to rule and control everything is the most awesome but none of them
know the unease and worry that the throne has brought upon me since day one.”
“I took the mission when
disaster was imminent,” I scoff. “Securing the country is my duty; I am the
emperor after all. But if I fail
then I automatically become a sinner
and will be shamed upon eternally.”
Heng Ziyu’s expression seems to change a little but he doesn’t speak.
I shrug. “It is not a fair deal at all.”
“Then,” he asks quietly after some hesitation, “Why did You choose this
path?”
I raise my two index fingers. “If there were two paths to choose from,” I
wave them and say, “One is death and the other is becoming the emperor, which
would You choose?”
He holds my gaze and answers steadily, “Staying alive is the most
important, of course.”
I nod and lower my hands. “Then there is Your answer.” I sit down and pour
myself a cup of tea.
“Having grown up in the streets, I
do not know too much about aspirations and righteous principles,” I say while
running my fingers along the edge of the cup. “I did not study well from my master. What I am doing now is solely based on my own judgement.”
He raises an eyebrow. “How strange for Your Majesty to say that. You might have
an extraordinary background but how could it be that You grew up in the
streets?”
I don’t want to talk about the horrible days so I just laugh it off. “The
world is full of strange things.”
He sits down beside me and rubs on his sword handle while watching me. I
face another direction and drink my tea.
We’re temporarily silent.
I don’t like his gaze. It is too mysterious and seems to be able to observe
my everything right through my own eyes.
His sharply slanted brows show inquiry and worry. His gaze shows no fear or
reverence, only undisguised inquiry which exceeds that a subject has for his
ruler and holds within it certain other meanings.
Forcing my unease away, I stay unmoved.
Perhaps at a different time and different place, we could become a model of
the perfect ruler and subject. However, there aren’t that many ‘perhaps’ in
this world. He wouldn’t be satisfied with just a high position, wealth and
power. He wants to rule the world and have his name heard by everyone.
This position isn’t what I had wanted to begin with.
“Your Majesty,” he breaks the silence finally. “If I may ask, do You really
plan to die defending the capital?”
I reply steadily, “I thought we
have already discussed this before.”
The sword wobbles a bit but his expression remains unchanged. “You are the
crux of this nation. If You really…I am afraid that things would take a turn
for the worst.”
I look back at him. “Through all those battles, have You ever backed away from
a perilous situation in fear?”
He frowns and replies slowly, “But that is my duty as a soldier. Your
Majesty is the ruler of this country; there is no comparison.”
“Do not forget that I was once a
soldier, too.”
He doesn’t respond but only plays with the sword handle with his eyes down.
Just as I stand up, I hear a racket coming from the city walls. The
soldiers’ cries sound panicked and rushed. I’m startled while Heng Ziyu springs
up with his sword in hand and heads out the door.
“Allow me to look into it, Your Majesty.”
Not even bothering to reply, I hurry after him. The two of us raise our
heads to see what’s going on while dashing forward.
I hear the drumming of horse hooves from outside the building. Someone
comes riding in. “Urgent report! Urgent report!”
We share a look and I feel anxious. Heng Ziyu says in a low voice, “I fear
it’s from the frontlines.”
As expected, the person looks exhausted. His armour is stained with blood
and he is wounded in many spots. He dismounts with the help of others and
kneels down, shakily holding up a military report that he gets out from his
breast pocket.
I order for him to be taken for medical attention before unfolding the
report. A pungent odour of blood fills the air at once. I frown at the
brownish-red page.
Xu Zheng led twenty thousand dragoons to Luo Yuan and stationed the men
along the road. Two days later, they clashed with the Yan cavalry to the north
of Luo Yuan. The two sides fought a bloody battle. Yuwen Yuan, using his
advantage of more advanced troops, ordered for the left and right wing to
attack from the two hills. The twenty thousand dragoons did not budge and
battled with the Yan.
The awesome battle dyed the world red with blood.
The Yan pushed Xu Zheng and his men until their last breaths and killed
them all. The plains of Luo Yuan became filled with corpses and hoarse cries.
Not able to keep reading, I close the report but the bloody odour seems to
have coiled around me.
I feel something on my wrist—it’s Heng Ziyu’s hand.
“You must not show it, Your Majesty,” he whispers as he holds on tightly.
I feel my throat constricting. Nothing comes out.
Xu Zheng, that quiet and determined man, shed his blood for the last time
for this country. And what he and the twenty thousand men got in exchange for
their lives is stalling the Yan’s arrival for merely three days.
Three days.
“Your Majesty, this is our last chance that they have given up their lives
for.”
I turn my head back a little and meet with Heng Ziyu’s gaze.
He’s right. I don’t have the luxury to mourn the dead. There are more
important things waiting for me to do.
My head spins and my legs feel wobbly. The moment I step into Tai Qing
Palace, I can no longer support myself. My legs buckle and I fall short of the
doorstep.
“Your Majesty.” Heng Ziyu holds onto my arm and hoists me up.
His gaze is so steadfast it makes me feel at ease.
“Rest for now, Your Majesty, and allow me to do the rest.” He helps me sit
down. He looks worried.
I just feel like my head is cracking open. “Thanks, Marshal.”
Exhausted, I shut my eyes. Twenty thousand human beings have become one
with the earth, never to exist again. I’m in a stupor as I laugh. I thought I
already knew that this was going to happen.
The evening winds start blowing through the rows of palaces and the candle
flames flicker. The sky is gloomy as though signaling the approach of a storm.
♚♔
The following day, even more
unsettling news reaches the capital.
Delegates sent by the marshal of the Yan army have come requesting that the
city gates be lowered in surrender.
Seal, like the one used by Han Xin
Due to the cultural importance and prestige of Chinese writing in the Sino-sphere (i.e. China, Korea, Japan, Vietnam), seals like these were the equivalent of modern day signatures. Some even had multiple seals for different purposes (e.g. personal, business, official). Nowadays, it is still common to use seals for official purposes, though personal seals are rare to see in China, but common in Korea and Japan.
Traditional doorstep
At first used for keeping out rainwater, the doorstep later developed into a symbol of an obstacle. "To run into a doorstep" means to run into a problem. Another interesting fact, when visiting a temple, men must step in left-foot first while women right-foot first. It is said doing so means heaven while stepping with the wrong foot means hell for the person. One must also remember not to step on the doorstep as that means you will straddle between both worlds and not be able to reincarnate.
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Cold Sands - English Translation by ayszhang is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
