Translator: Ying
Editor: ayszhang
Chapter 10
"Come with me." The female police
officer took over from Jake, clutching Tang Shan's arm the way
she would that of a criminal.
No, no, no, no!
Outside the window, it began to rain.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
ayszhang: Aaaaand we've arrived back at the beginning once more....and the cycle shall continue....
Thank you for being patient with us :) Dear Ying is heading to Scotland for uni soon, and in the meanwhile she is working at wuxiaworld, which is why she had so little time. This reminds me, I hope everyone knows we are not getting paid regularly, and ad money is close to zero, so please do not leave negative comments shaming the translators for being slow or unresponsive. We are volunteering essentially, doing this because we love Chinese BL. You can rush us, certainly, but at least do so politely.
As for the special announcement, I would like to let y'all know that there is a group of researchers at Peking University in China studying our blog and how we contribute to the development of Chinese internet literature. This is the fourth big exposure we will have following the three Global Times articles where I was interviewed (here, here and here). I also hope to share with you the graduate thesis that will be written on this site when it is completed (of course it is in Chinese....).
For my readers, I am finishing up with final exams (three more to go!) and will also be moving houses (just across the city), so it will be a hectic month for me. Then, May 13 I am flying to Quebec for a month and a half. I aim to start posting again in mid-May, but I will keep you updated :)
Happy Easter!
Chapter 9
Tang Shan was led away, unable to see the
way through the sack, and
had no idea of where he was heading.
Once they arrived at a certain point, they
stopped. This place seemed to be the heart of the plaza,
and he could hear the piercing laughter from the ceramic dolls surrounding him
from all directions.
While waiting, the female patrol officer
spoke up, asking in a low voice, "There's something I'm rather curious
about. Do you still love Mr Li?"
Tang Shan was
perplexed.
The female officer did not get her answer.
The ceramic dolls' laughter stopped, and
Tang Shan was pushed along by the officer and made to stand still when they reached a certain place. At this point, his hands had been bound.Hearing the sounds of struggle from around him, he occasionally
pretended to protest
and move.
He was then led to sit on a chair, where his arms and legs were tied
to it. The moment he was truly immobile, he was
able to feel terror.
It wasgoing to end.
"Mmmmmnnnnmm—"
A sharp scream from a female
voice sounded from beside him, muted by the sack on her
head. It was a dull sound coming
from his left and probably belonged to the female
soldier. Were they also covered by a sack like he was? That had to be the case,
or else it would be much too obvious if he was the only one in this situation.
He could feel his heart rate speeding up,
but he was unable to tell if this was fear or the excitement of
finally being able to end this all. Even breathing was becoming a difficult
task.
"Verdict."
Li Yuanyu's voice was practically swallowed
up by the violent winds around them.
"You, who have damaged the
infrastructure of the town, are guilty."
A sharp, blazing heat emerged within
his body and in his flesh, paining Tang Shan so much that he could only vigorously contort his body. This was
an instinctual struggle.
He wanted to shout, but no sound could be
made despite his opening his mouth wide.
"Guilty."
Tang Shan could not feel his toes, the soles of his feet- he knew he
was gradually disappearing.
It was
going to end.
In this
moment, he somehow thought of Li Yuanyu, remembering the great times they had
had together. It was not of anyone else; not his family nor his fiancée,Jenny, but Li Yuanyu.
Li
Yuanyu, who had embraced him, who had whispered humorous sweet nothings into
his ear, who had not even gotten mad at him for teasing him about reading
too many romance novels. He had drowned in Li Yuanyu's light kisses that held
within boundless love.
Li
Yuanyu, who had taken him by the hand andexplored the area, the two of them
looking for new routes in the town without a destination.They were close like
friends as much as lovers.
Li
Yuanyu.
Graceful, gentle Li Yuanyu.
Do you still love Mr Li?
Yes, he
still loved Li Yuanyu, but it was impossible to stay by his side any longer.
---
Something
was off.
Li
Yuanyu stared at the soldier seated in the middle,
instinctively sensing
something fishy. That person had not made a sound at all, despite the excruciating pain
that should have come from having moonlight shone on them.
"Who
is that?" Li Yuanyu questioned the female soldier who had led the person
there, pointing towards the middle.
The
female officer was frozen, too afraid to even move. Her role in this was immediately exposed.
Damn it!
Li
Yuanyu instantly realized andrushed towards the moonlight. He
removed the cloak he had on, shielded Tang Shan with
it, and undid the ropes. The chair could not be moved when under the moonlight, and the only
way to escape was by untying the ropes. Li Yuanyu could not help but curse,
similarly having to endure the burning from the moonlight on his body.
"Mmmnnmmm—" Tang Shan struggled as he cried out
mournfully. He did not want to be saved.
"Shut
up! Damn it!" Li Yuanyu loosened the ropes onTang Shan's hands and went on to
release those on his legs.
Tang
Shan pushed against Li Yuanyu, but was unable to push him away.
He was disappearing and had lost much of his strength. Even raising his hand was nearly impossible.
With the
ropes on the man’s legs gone, Li Yuanyu forcefully pushed him aside and pounced on him.
He removed
the sack over Tang Shan's head and slapped him multiple times.
Tang
Shan’s head began to spin and he fell to one side. He saw that the other
soldiers who had been seated in the chairs had already turned to ashes, which
meant that he had been that close– at this point, he could not help but begin
to cry.
Li
Yuanyu watched him cry and gradually calmed down. Hegot off of Tang Shan, grabbedhim by the hair anddragged him away.
Tang
Shan cried while he tried to strike at the hand that was holding him,
attempting to scratch Li Yuanyu but to no avail. He was dragged all the way back to Li
Yuanyu's villa.
"Li
Yuanyu!" Jake caught up to them and tried to persuade him,
"Let him go! You know that will be the best for everyone!"
"For
who? You? Me? Him?"
"For the whole town!" Jake was
resolute. Heavens knew the amount of courage he needed to stand before Li
Yuanyu and go against him, but-
"Stand down, Jake. This is a family
matter. Don't interfere."
"No! Tang Shan- Tang Shan is my
friend!"
"Jake, don't push me." Li Yuanyu
threatened coldly.
Jake suddenly roared and charged towards Li
Yuanyu, trying to force Li Yuanyu away.
However, Li Yuanyu merely raised his hand
and pushed Jake towards the side, and as if struck by an immense force, Jake crashed
into a fire hydrant that actually cracked on impact, causing water to spout.
"Jake!" Tang Shan cried out,
wanting to see how Jake was doing but unable to move.
"He’ll live. I'll take care of him once
I'm done with you. Let's go." Li Yuanyu continued forward with Tang Shan
in tow.
No, no, no, no!
Tang Shan struggled violently, unable to shift
his gaze from the unconscious Jake. He held
onto the red brickpavement tightly, not allowing Li Yuanyu to drag him away.
With his other hand, he grabbed Li Yuanyu's hand as he tried to get Li Yuanyu
to loosen the grip on his hair.
Li Yuanyu finally let go, but just when Tang
Shan made a bid to crawl towards Jake, his hands were stepped on.
"Ugh!"
"Where are you going?" Li Yuanyu
grabbed hold of him once more.
"Don't touch me!"
He struggled, terrified beyond measure,
waving his arms around to prevent Li Yuanyu from coming closer. All of a
sudden, a sharp pain ran through his body, and everything went black. Tang
Shan lost consciousness.
---
Within the darkness, he could feel swaying
ripples of water surrounding him. He should be safe, but air gradually
disappeared, suffocating him.
Suffocating—
Tang Shan jerked
awake and realised he was now
forced underwater in a pond, a situation similar to one he had experienced
before. Tang Shan struggled hard, flapping his arms and beating at the water,
using all his strength to grasp at Li Yuanyu's hand.
Li Yuanyu was in tears, looking terribly
pitiful.
"Tang Shan, my love, it doesn't hurt at
all. You'll forget everything. The good and the bad will all disappear."
Li Yuanyu's words were muffled.
He repeatedly pushed down Tang Shan's face that wanted
to emerge from the water, time after time like a curse.
Tang Shan finally lost the energy to
struggle and gradually loosened his hold.
Suffocation.
Li Yuanyu carried powerless, limp Tang Shan
in his arms. Despite the knowledge that the man could not hear anything, Li
Yuanyu constantly repeated– TangShan, I love you. I'm sorry.
He killed his lover, and then created
another Tang Shan that loved him.
This way, Tang Shan would completely belong
to him.
However, he also realised that this would no longer be the
Tang Shan he had loved.
What should he do? What should he do? What
should he do to regain Tang Shan's love for him?
Li Yuanyu cried pitifully,
heart-wrenchingly.
Meanwhile, time ticked by, never turning
back.
---
He seemed to have slept for a long time, as
if a whole lifetime had passed. He sat up, joints throbbing all over.
Groaning, he sat up and looked around, unsure
of his surroundings.
He tried to recall something, but his mind
was blank.
Who was he? Why was he here? Where was this
place?
Besides the bed, there was nothing at all in
the room, which did not help matters at all. He opened the door and walked out
of the room. The aroma of Broschtwas in the air.
Following the smell, he went downstairs and
found the kitchen. In there was a black-haired man with pale skin, thin and
slender, who had his back to him, busy at work.
For some reason, his emotions fluctuated at
the sight of the man, and he could not tell what exactly this feeling was.
The man noticed him and gave him a look
before turning back to his work. Not long after, he spoke.
"Tang Shan, come here and taste this
for me."
Tang Shan? Was that his name? Why was it so
foreign? He had no recollection of it at all.
Tang Shan hesitated and found that the man
did not make another sound after a long while. Full of uncertainty and
confusion, he slowly proceeded towards him.
The man's back was still turned as he took a
little dish and scooped some soup for him.
Tang Shan finally saw the man’s face. His
features were etched deeply, looking even more delicate than those of a woman.
Based on just those features, it was difficult to even tell his gender.
Such a beautiful person sent a smile his
way.
Tang Shan was slightly dumb.
"Come on, taste this for me." The
man raised the dish, urging him on.
Tang Shan came back to himself and was
immediately embarrassed. How could he get so distracted by this man's looks
alone? He quickly took the dish, the soup still steaming.
"Careful." The man sounded very
gentle, arousing something vaguely familiar.
A dumb Tang Shan drank the Borscht from the
dish.
"How is it?"
The sweet-sour flavour of the soup spread in
his mouth. He wanted to revel in this taste for a while longer before answering
properly.
"How's the taste?" The man asked
urgently for the second time.
Tang Shan answered honestly, "So-so.
Something seems to be missing."
"Should I add some salt?"
Tang Shan shook his head. It was salty
enoughbut lacked a certain flavour. He thought about it carefully. What could
be missing?
"Oh! Onion! You forgot the onion."
"Right, I almost forgot about them! Thanks,
darling!" The man seemed to realise what was wrong and hugged him
emotionally. He left a kiss on Tang Shan's lips and released him before continuing
to cook. The movements were all so smooth, so fast, so natural, that this
seemed to be a regular occurrence.
He glanced at the man working hard, complicated
emotions welling inside him. For some time, he was in a daze, unable to say a
word.
"Tang Shan, help me set the table," the man spoke.
Tang Shan consented. He had no idea where
anything was located, but his hands opened the cupboards and found the tableware
easily. His body remembered everything, and yet he had no memories at all. What
was going on? He was holding a plate and suddenly zoned out.
"What's wrong? Are you not feeling
well?" Noticing the strange behaviour, the man enquired worriedly.
Tang Shan shook his head and looked at the
man, who was similarly gazing at him. Their eyes met.
"Who are you? Who am I?" He asked,
full of questions.
"I am Li Yuanyu, the lover of you, Joseph
Tang Shan. We're a couple. Did you lose your memory again, Tang Shan?" Li
Yuanyu explained, eyes full of pity. He extended his hand attempting at touching
Tang Shan's head.
Tang Shan backed away unknowingly.
"Do I lose my memory often?"
"Yes."
"We really are lovers?"
"Yes. Lovers, till the end of time."
"But you're a man." He furrowed
his brows.
"You're a man too."
"That's the problem. I don't think I'm
gay, and I don't think I would fall in love with a man."
"Honestly speaking, I didn't think I
was gay either, but you changed me, just as I changed you."
"You're lying– "
"Do I look like I'm lying?"
He could not deny that Li Yuanyu looked
earnest, but there were many liars who seemed sincere and told very convincing
lies, luring innocents in. Tang Shan did not let down his guard so easily and believe
whatever the man said.
Li Yuanyu put the ladle down and got closer
to Tang Shan. However, as Li Yuanyu approached him, he shrank back until he hit
the fridge.
"What are you doing?"
Li Yuanyu did not speak and merely leant
down, a hand around Tang Shan's waist. Taking advantage of Tang Shan's protests,
he kissed Tang Shan and slid his tongue in. The provocative action, the actual
kiss, and the wet, sloppy sounds wereso erotic they left him aroused. Just as
Tang Shan felt as if all the air in his lungs had been sucked out and he was on
the verge of suffocating, Li Yuanyu ended the sentimental kiss.
He nibbled at Tang Shan's lips and cheeks,
unwilling to let go so quickly.
"I love you, Tang Shan."
Li Yuanyu laid his head in the crook of Tang
Shan's neck, speaking as if he were sighing. His breath was on Tang Shan's
neck, causing his ear to feel itchy as it twitched.
Seeing this, Li Yuanyu let him go.
"What did you think about that
kiss?" he asked.
This was a random question for Tang Shan,
but when he recalled it in detail,he immediately flushed red.
"I don't have any special thoughts
about it."
"Did you hate it? Tell me
honestly."
Tang Shan shook his head.
Li Yuanyu chuckled and continued cooking.
His reaction left Tang Shan bewildered and uncertain.
"Did that have anything to do with our
initial conversation?"
He asked even though he didn’t remember what
they had been discussing.
"Yes. You really felt that kiss, didn't
you? That means you love me. That's good enough." Li Yuanyu answered
good-naturedly, tone seemingly lighter.
Tang Shan felt as if he had fallen into some
trap and retorted, "That only means that you have an excellent kissing
technique."
Li Yuanyu began humming.
After humming a section from one of Elvis
Presley's songs, he found Tang Shan still standing on the same spot, eyes on
him in confusion. His smile brightened as he reminded Tang Shan, "Um, do
you want to take care of that by yourself in the bathroom? I want to help you,
but—"
Tang Shan looked down towards his crotch,
alarmed to find there was a tent there. He awkwardly pulled at his shirt to
hide it and fled to the bathroom, stumbling as he went.
In response, Li Yuanyu laughed heartily.
When Tang Shan appeared once more from the
bathroom, he had taken a shower, face red as he stood at the entrance to the
kitchen.
Li Yuanyu was about to serve the foodwhen he
noticed him. He then called out, "What are you standing there in a daze
for? Come in!"
It sounded so natural that Tang Shan, who
had been standing there a little awkwardly, felt that he shouldn't be so bashful
the way women were. He walked towards the dining table and took a seat opposite
Li Yuanyu.
"Let's eat." Li Yuanyu helped Tang
Shan get a portion and beamed at him, watching him closely.
Tang Shan had a few bites, but it was truly
difficult to swallow with someone constantly staring at him. He put down his
cutlery.
"What's wrong? Does it taste bad?"
Li Yuanyu was immediately concerned.
"No, it’s fine. Thank you. You –Why
aren’t you eating?"
"Yes, I'll eat. I just got distracted
while watching you eat."
Goodness, how disgusting could this person
get?
Tang Shan suddenly looked to the side at an
unoccupied seat.
"What's wrong?"
"Uh, nothing. I just—" wanted to catch a few more glimpses of the seat
with nobody there. Tang Shan withdrew his gaze hesitantly, feeling that
there should be someone else beside him speaking. However, he could not
remember who it was.
"Let's go take a walk after this meal. I
don’t know what you still remember."
Li Yuanyu appeared to be cordial, and Tang
Shan nodded without protest.
After eating, Li Yuanyu brought Tang Shan
away from the villa, and while leaving, Tang Shan turned back to glance at the
villa and an ill feeling appeared.
"Tang Shan?" Li Yuanyu waited by
the door.
Tang Shan turned to leave.
"What were you looking at?"
"Nothing. Don't worry." Tang Shan
shook his head, not revealing the feelings that he himself was unsure of.
"Let's go." Li Yuanyu let him out
first before closing the door.
Where were they going? Tang Shan looked
around, not feeling any sense of familiarity at all. This was basically a
foreign place to him. He had lost his memory.Usually, a blank slate like him should
be feeling terrified, but he felt none of that. Instead, he was like a child
filled with curiosity and courage.
"Where are we going? There?" Tang
Shan excitedly pointed towards the heart of the town.
"No, there's construction work going
on. Nobody is allowed there. Let's go that way." Li Yuanyu pointed in
another direction. "My residence at the other side of town."
"You have another residence?"
"Yes. Both of us own it. What's mine is
yours, and what's yours is mine."
"Hahahahaha!" Tang Shan burst out
in extremely abrupt laughter.
"What are you laughing at?"
"I'm laughing at your words. It's just
too unreal. It's like something that's happening in another world, since I
don't have the slightest recollection of this at all."
"Are you afraid?"
"Strangely enough, no. It might be
because I don't remember anything, so I don't have any thoughts at all. There’s
nothing to think about anyway. Well, since I'm a 'white' man. Haha, don't you
find me hilarious?"
"No." Li Yuanyu retorted.
"Then you don't have any sense of
humour." Tang Shan shrugged and headed in the direction that Li Yuanyu had
pointed out, leaving behind Li Yuanyu, who had a smile on his face as always
but seemed serious.
Li Yuanyu caught up to him and spoke up for
himself, "But I do."
It was just that he could not bring himself
to laugh at this topic.
Tang Shan turned, noticing him looking
vexed. He answered, "You sure know how to tell jokes."
His teasing held within hints of revenge
which was in return for the embarrassment from earlier that made him hang his
head in shame.Well, the guy down there had raised its head... Uh, that was not
a good comparison.
"You're not as blank as you think you
are. At the very least, you know how to open and close doors, how to use
cutlery, how to walk and how to speak," Li Yuanyu spoke again.
He had not actually taken everything away
from Tang Shan. He still felt remorse and didall he could to save Tang Shan.
"Hm..." Tang Shan listened on,
advancing forward. He merely said, "If you're trying to make a joke, I can
only reward you five points out of pity. The total points you can get is a
hundred, so I hope you work harder."
Li Yuanyu forced a smile.
They walked for quite a distance, returning
to a wooden house at another end. While Li Yuanyu was taking a key and opening
the door, Tang Shan sat on the floor andstared at the vegetable garden in the
courtyard absentmindedly. It felt like nobody had been taking care of it, and some
plants were growing all over the place, causing him to feel sorry for them.
Afterwards, Li Yuanyu told him that he was
the one who had planted the garden.
Li Yuanyu opened the door and let him in. As
he walked in, he took the sight in. The colour scheme of the interior decor was
warm, and the air had a faint fragrance that he seemed to be familiar with.
The journey had left Tang Shan slightly
thirsty, and he said exactly that to Li Yuanyu, who then brought him to the
kitchen.
Li Yuanyu had him take a seat and turned to
pour some water. Seeing Li Yuanyu's back while he was at work, Tang Shan felt
there was something different from what he had seen at the villa.
After passing water to Tang Shan, Li Yuanyu
stood at the dining table opposite him, looking as if he wanted to say
something but stopping himself.
"What's wrong?"
"Tang Shan?" Li Yuan hesitated for
a while before speaking, "Do you think we should live in the wooden house,
or in the villa? Where do you want to stay?"
"You're asking me?" He had already
lost his memories. How would he know which was better? It didn't matter where
they lived, because he was fine with anything!
But...
"If you really want my answer, I prefer
this place. It feels more homely." The villa had a dark, gloomy feeling to
it. That might have to do with how large the house was, but he had no idea if
that was the reason. Whatever it was, he didn't really like that place.
Li Yuanyu smiled, apparently having made up his
mind.
Though his Tang Shan could no longer
remember the past, he had chosen the place where they had made the most happy memories.
Could this mean that he was still Tang Shan?
Li Yuanyu's smile was filled with bitterness
that could not be eased.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
ayszhang: Aaaaand we've arrived back at the beginning once more....and the cycle shall continue....
Thank you for being patient with us :) Dear Ying is heading to Scotland for uni soon, and in the meanwhile she is working at wuxiaworld, which is why she had so little time. This reminds me, I hope everyone knows we are not getting paid regularly, and ad money is close to zero, so please do not leave negative comments shaming the translators for being slow or unresponsive. We are volunteering essentially, doing this because we love Chinese BL. You can rush us, certainly, but at least do so politely.
As for the special announcement, I would like to let y'all know that there is a group of researchers at Peking University in China studying our blog and how we contribute to the development of Chinese internet literature. This is the fourth big exposure we will have following the three Global Times articles where I was interviewed (here, here and here). I also hope to share with you the graduate thesis that will be written on this site when it is completed (of course it is in Chinese....).
For my readers, I am finishing up with final exams (three more to go!) and will also be moving houses (just across the city), so it will be a hectic month for me. Then, May 13 I am flying to Quebec for a month and a half. I aim to start posting again in mid-May, but I will keep you updated :)
Happy Easter!
Chapter 9
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