Proofreaders: happyBuddha, Lee, Kai, m@o, Marcia
When the water showed no signs of receding, the local government did not act and neither did the Japanese. Soon, the Tientsin Chamber of Commerce received appeals from major figures such as Ts’ao Ju-lin and Wu P’ei-fu recommending the creation of a self-rescue organization.
Six days after
the disaster, the Chamber finally established the Tientsin Flood Relief
Commission. There were some who participated out of genuine kindness, and of
course there were those superficial ones who donated enough in order to buy themselves
a good name.
That day on the boat, Ch’in Ching had been speechless
after Shen Liangsheng’s question. He stayed in silence with the other man,
watching the vulnerability leave his face. Eventually, the man he was familiar
with returned and began to plan.
“You can’t stay
at your house anymore, so come with me for now. I’m going to the factory later
in the afternoon, but I’ll get someone to go to Hsiao-Liu’s with you. If their house is no good either, then get
them to move to the house in Petite de Ceinture.”
After faltering,
he continued,
“And if you don’t
want to stay with me, feel free to move in with them.”
Still kneeling in
the same spot as Shen Liangsheng spoke, Ch’in Ching watched as the man sat up
and began rowing. The boat shot forward, and Ch’in Ching swayed along appearing
a bit disoriented.
“Ch’in Ching.”
Shen Liangsheng glanced at the man while rowing and added in a tone not quite cold
but definitely stern, “Think nothing more of this than a friend helping another
friend. If I have anything else to ask of you, I’ll tell you directly. But if I
don’t, don’t fret about it.”
In the end, Ch’in Ching did not move in with Hsiao-Liu. First of all, the
second-floor apartment did not get flooded but was a place so small it was a
bit cramped with just the Lius there. The sisters had not married yet, so it
would not do for Ch’in Ching to stay with them no matter how close they were.
Second of all…Ch’in Ching wasn’t sure what the second thing was. He said he
couldn’t leave with the man, but at the same time he felt that he owed Shen
Liangsheng too much to ever repay him and felt extremely guilty.
The truth was
that Ch’in Ching had no idea whether Shen Liangsheng was fine with him being
around or would rather not see him so that he might have some peace of mind. In
the end, he couldn’t figure it out and decided to ask the man himself.
Ch’in Ching asked
quite vaguely, but Shen Liangsheng understood his true question and replied
casually, “I’d worry if you stayed anywhere else, so just make do here with me
in the meantime.”
It should have
sounded a bit suggestive, but because of the man’s seemingly careless attitude,
it truly seemed like a friend caring for another friend.
Thus, Ch’in Ching
settled down in a guest room in the Shen manor. Shen Liangsheng got his hands
on two more boats through connections, one for the servants to shop and one especially
for Ch’in Ching. He even asked the secretary from the south, who happened to be
a good swimmer, to supervise Ch’in Ching for a few days and make sure the man
could work the boat before letting the man go out on his own.
Ch’in Ching
helped move the Lius to the new place while also helping the school with
transporting equipment and supplies out of the affected areas. As these two
projects were wrapping up, he heard about the newly formed Flood Relief
Commission. He had planned to help out at the Student Union, but before he
could report it to Shen Liangsheng, the man came to him.
“If you have
time, could I get you to come help out at the office?”
It was not an
unreasonable request, and Ch’in Ching readily agreed. But only when he arrived
at the office did he find that the job consisted of managing some paperwork for
the Commission.
Ch’in Ching was
no fool; he easily read the meaning behind this. It was likely that disease
would develop from the flood. Shen Liangsheng probably did not want him to be
in a populous place but was also hesitant to leave him alone with nothing to do,
and thus the man found him this job.
And it was
exactly because he understood that he felt even worse. The man was so good to
him taking even the smallest details into consideration, but in the end he had
let the man down.
The room Ch’in Ching moved into was the same one he had
stayed in when he first came to this manor. Three years had passed. Not much
had changed when he looked out the window, but he felt vastly different on the
inside.
For the first few
nights, Ch’in Ching would lie in bed with this nervous feeling mixed with shameful
hope that the man might burst into the room any minute. He knew it was best
that they not overstep the boundary. Yet, he secretly harboured hope….
He was kept
restless at night by a desire to abandon all self-restraint one last time
before either the man or he left. On the other hand, Shen Liangsheng appeared
totally at ease, only interacting with Ch’in Ching as a close friend, not
distant but never too close.
During meals,
sometimes Ch’in Ching’s eyes would secretly stray from the food to the man’s
fingers holding chopsticks, and the food in his mouth would lose its flavour.
He simply yearned for the man’s voice, fingers, lips, and skin, but his
remaining rationality would push these impulses away every time and remind him
sternly,
This ‘one last time’ you are fantasizing would only end
up hurting both of you.
The people of Tientsin fought with the expanse of
water for half a month before, in late August, the water levels appeared to
drop in some of the places with higher elevation. However, some
people had already become ill. One would occasionally spot black smoke in the
sky from houses, having lost their tenants to the disease being burnt
down in efforts to disinfect.
One night, Shen
Liangsheng attended a gathering he could not miss. The dinner was held on a
pleasure boat. Some people had realized that the dance halls could not be
reopened anytime soon and subsequently found recreational boats, hiring show
girls for entertainment and parading the boats up and down the flooded streets
every night. The bogus government did not restrict such crass activities but
rather opted to make money off of them, collecting entertainment taxes and an additional
watercraft tax per vehicle.
Sitting on one
such boat, Shen Liangsheng exchanged polite small talk every now and then as he
looked out at the water rippling under the illumination of the lanterns and of
the moon.
“I say, this
sight is comparable to that of the Ten Mile Ch’inhuai,” he heard
another guest exclaim, and soon after, an interpreter translated it for the
Japanese soldiers present.
Shen Liangsheng may
have known little about the country, but even he knew that ‘Ten Mile Ch’inhuai’
referred to the scenery of the city of Nanking.
Nanking, the city
that had been raped by the Japanese army.
If he were being honest, Shen Liangsheng would not
call himself a good person. He willingly participated in the relief efforts despite
the Shen factory’s losses due to the flood not because of a sudden sense of
nobility but for selfish reasons. Firstly, it was to find Ch’in Ching a secure
job. Secondly, he felt a sincere need to do something whenever he recalled the
distress he had felt when he was searching for Ch’in Ching during the flood.
Perhaps he had finally learned pain through this calamity and consequently felt
empathy.
Although the
philanthropy began on account of his own reasons, Shen Liangsheng was a
perfectionist who followed through on his word. If he said he would, then he
would do his best. Coincidentally, he had come to this gathering partly hoping
to fundraise for the very cause.
However, he was
now filled with doubt as he looked back at the guests on the boat after looking
out over the ripples on the water. As though he were having an out-of-body
experience, he observed the party taking place around him for the first time.
Some of these people were Chinese, some Japanese, and some were his friends –
it was the circle he had lost himself in for a long time. For all these years,
he had let himself fall into this game of power and wealth. He was no different
from them….
He was just as
disgusting.
The singer at the
front of the boat began singing “When Will You Return” as the man from earlier
continued the topic. “You know what, this street and this water doesn’t look
like Ch’inhuai but rather the Venice you see in magazines. Mr. Shen, you’ve
studied abroad. Have you been there? How does it compare?”
“No,” he heard
his own nearly bitter reply. “I’ve not been to Venice.”
That night, Shen Liangsheng left early with the excuse
that he was not feeling well. Ch’in Ching was not in the lounge when he
returned, so he went to the guestroom. He waited a few seconds after knocking
but heard no reply.
The servants had
said Ch’in Ching was home. His hand faltered on the doorknob before he slowly
twisted it open. He saw the man sleeping on the bed with his clothes on,
perhaps having been too tired, and the book that he presumably had been reading
was lying on the floor.
Shen Liangsheng
crept over quietly and pulled a light blanket over to cover the man’s stomach.
He stood by the bed for a bit before bending down to pick up the book and place
it on the nightstand. Then he tiptoed back out without switching off the lamp.
Shen Liangsheng
closed the door behind him without a sound but did not stray far. He stayed in
the hall leaning against the wall and took out his cigarette pack. The
bitterness inside that he had been feeling for the past few hours had finally
dissipated, replaced by tranquil and reassuring warmth from the lamp inside the
bedroom.
Tonight he stood
outside Ch’in Ching’s room just as he had many nights ago, smoking quietly,
content simply to be in a place near the man. A maid walked by and, having
noticed the master putting out the cigarette butts where he stood, felt awful
about the floorboards. She hurriedly found an ash tray and swept up the ash and
butts around him.
“I’m turning in
for the night. You all may go to bed now,” Shen Liangsheng ordered in a soft
voice. His tone was so gentle it made the maid’s hairs stand up and made her
wonder what in the world had gotten into her master.
Shen Liangsheng
stood in silence in the hall lit with a wall light, smoking one cigarette after
another while the idea that had been under consideration for several weeks rose
lazily along with the smoke up to the ceiling before circling around like a
bird and finally settling down to solid ground.
When Ch’in Ching awoke, he glanced at his wrist watch
with bleary eyes to find that it was past midnight. He wanted to undress before
going back to sleep, but he froze after undoing just one button.
In reality, he
could not have smelled any of the cigarette smoke from inside the room, but he
was somehow certain that Shen Liangsheng was outside. His heartbeat began to
quicken as he hesitantly walked towards the door. After several seconds, he finally
reached for the doorknob and opened the door.
“Oh, you’re still
up?”
“Yeah.”
Ch’in Ching peered
at the ash tray in the man’s hand; it was obvious how long the man had been
standing there from the number of cigarette butts inside. He was unsure of what
the man was trying to do, but he was even less sure of how he felt about it.
After facing the man for some time, he blurted out of nowhere, “I’m hungry.
What about you?”
A smile appeared
on Shen Liangsheng’s face, and the rare sight made Ch’in Ching’s cheeks flush.
Luckily, it was dim in the hallway, so the man probably did not notice.
The servants had all retired, and there was nothing to
eat on the kitchen counter. As Shen Liangsheng opened the icebox, Ch’in Ching
was about to say any small snack would do when the man brought out a plate of
wontons which the kitchen had probably prepared as the next day’s breakfast.
“Do you know how
to cook wontons?” Shen Liangsheng asked as he found a pot to boil some water.
Ch’in Ching
nodded, and the other man stepped aside, leaning on the counter watching him.
It was not the case that the businessman did not even know how to boil wonton
since he did live abroad for many years. He simply wanted to watch the man
working at the stove, for it gave him a sense of being at home.
The two finished
the food fairly quietly, after which Ch’in Ching volunteered to tidy up. Shen
Liangsheng was standing by the sink watching the man wash dishes when he
suddenly spoke. “Ch’in Ching, I want to sell the factory.”
“What?”
“The joint
factory with the Japanese. I don’t want it anymore.”
When he got no
reply from Ch’in Ching, he elaborated,
“But there’s no
one to sell it to now other than the Japanese. I don’t want to keep the money,
either. Maybe I’ll donate it. I think you know what I mean. So maybe you could
consult someone trustworthy about this for me.
“I’ll try to get
the rest done as soon as possible. When you said autumn, which month did you
mean?
“I was thinking
if I don’t get it done in time that I’d go with you first and sort the rest out
later.”
Shen Liangsheng had no idea that the place Ch’in Ching
was planning to go to was Shanpei. He thought the man was just going down south
to find a more peaceful region in which to teach. The man wouldn’t leave with
him, so the only way was for him to go with the man since he didn’t want to be separated
from him again. The calm exterior that he had exhibited lately was precisely
because he had made up his mind and was able to find peace with himself.
“Shen
Liangsheng….” Ch’in Ching paid no more attention to the dishes allowing the tap
to run and the water to splash on his hands. The man was talking as though they
were merely discussing what they were going to have for lunch tomorrow. Ch’in
Ching felt as though the water was dragging his ability to think down the drain
with it. Long minutes later, he managed to form a reply. “You really don’t have
to…. I….”
Shen Liangsheng
did not respond immediately, either. Honestly, even he was uncertain if Ch’in
Ching still had feelings for him. His usual confidence had long abandoned him since
the man said au revoir. He knew that although he had decided to go with the
man, whether the man was fine with him coming along was a different story.
Shen Liangsheng
understood that the man was trying to dissuade him, but he had already made up
his mind. He opted to avoid the indirect rejection and, after moments of
silence, spoke as though he had misunderstood. “If you meant the donation, I
must confess that I have my own reasons for doing so.”
“No, I –”
“When I first
returned, my father took me to listen to Buddhist lectures at Chüshihlin,” Shen Liangsheng interrupted and began talking about an old story as
though he were talking a trivial everyday matter. “He believed in Buddha and
even asked the lecturing monk to read my destiny. I didn’t believe in it, but I
remember the monk telling my father behind my back…” He paused for a moment and
then continued, “I can’t recall his exact words, but basically he said that he
saw malice in my life, and if I don’t collect good karma I will probably meet a
horrible end.
“Well, I didn’t
believe this superstitious stuff before, but now I kind of do. So I think it’s
time I did some good, and maybe then I will be able to live longer.”
Though he did not
get any acknowledgement from the man, he pushed on,
“And another day
alive means another day I get to see you.”
Because the tap was still running, Shen Liangsheng did
not realize Ch’in Ching was crying. Only several minutes later did he notice.
He shot forth and placed a comforting hand on the man’s back while using the
other to close the tap.
Indeed, he had
chosen his previous words partly in an attempt to rouse Ch’in Ching’s emotions,
but the part about the fortune telling was no lie, and his last utterance was
entirely sincere. However, he would have never said it if he had known it would
make the man cry. Shen Liangsheng was patting his back, still trying to find
the right words to cheer the man up, when he was pushed against the counter.
The back of his shirt became wet from the water on the edge of the sink.
His lips were wet
too with something faintly salty.
Ch’in Ching held
the other man tight as he dove in for a kiss so deep his tongue could almost
touch the back of the throat. Still, it was not enough. He rubbed against the man
as though he wanted their two bodies to merge as one. The kiss was going out of
control. Their teeth knocked against each other missing the tongue by a sliver
of an inch.
Shen Liangsheng
circled his arms around the man’s waist and let the man kiss as he pleased.
Then he brushed his hands up and down his back in an effort to soothe the man
and slow the tempo. He gently sucked on the man’s tongue, playing games with it
and taking in the juices that oozed from it.
They stayed
connected by the kiss for so long that they both began to feel lightheaded. It
felt like a dream, for the last time they had held each other and shared a kiss
was so long ago that they could not bear to part for even a moment.
Eyes closed,
Ch’in Ching leaned on Shen Liangsheng. He was so engrossed that he forgot to
breathe. Soon, his legs caved in, and he slid downward.
Shen Liangsheng caught
the man by the waist and gave what might have been a chuckle before lifting the
man up into his arms. The schoolmaster was skinny but was nonetheless a man not
that much shorter than Shen Liangsheng. Yet somehow, Shen Liangsheng found the
strength in himself to carry the man across the spacious lounge, up the
staircase and into the bedroom, not letting the man down until he reached the
bed. He soon joined the man there and began unbuckling his belt while locked in
another kiss.
Welcoming the
man, Ch’in Ching opened his lips but pushed himself up switching their
positions. He pinned the man’s hands and asked in pants, “Shen Liangsheng, I
want to….”
“Ch’in Ching.”
Without waiting for the full request, Shen Liangsheng smiled and touched their
foreheads together. He rubbed the tips of their noses with one another as he
whispered his answer,
“I’m yours.”
Something snapped in Ch’in Ching’s mind, and he had no
recollection of how they stripped naked. What he did recall was the sigh of relief
when they were at last skin to skin. He nipped Shen Liangsheng’s neck and began
licking and sucking the teeth marks until red blots appeared. Then he moved
downward, kissing down to the chest inch by inch, and latched on a nipple.
First he scraped against it lightly with his teeth before nudging it around
with his tongue.
Shen Liangsheng
lay there letting the other man do as he pleased. He could sense from the man
an overwhelming possessiveness. Ch’in Ching always had been quite passionate in
the bedroom, but this was the first time he showed such possessiveness.
In that moment,
Shen Liangsheng knew he need not worry whether Ch’in Ching still cared for him.
His senses did not lie. He could feel the devotion and yearning coming so
strongly from the man.
“I love you,”
they said. “I want you.”
Ch’in Ching’s kisses trailed down to Shen Liangsheng’s
tight abdomen, and his tongue traced the
curvature of the muscles before dipping down along the waistline past the iliac
furrow to lick at the hairs. He nuzzled the swelling member like a puppy trying
to get attention from its master before taking it deep into his mouth.
The immense
pleasure made Shen Liangsheng gasp aloud. He could feel the wet and warm mouth
around him, the tongue gliding over his shaft and then moving further down. His
perineum tingled from the stimulation, and his entrance twitched, as well.
He tried to relax
as Ch’in Ching licked it and slid in a digit with his saliva as lubrication. He
even lifted his bottom cooperatively as though offering himself as tribute – he
wanted to open up his very being to this man withholding nothing from this
point on.
Keeping in mind this was his first time, Ch’in Ching
glanced up as he slowly slid his finger in and out, and asked softly, “Is there
any Vaseline? I don’t want it to hurt.”
“That’s long
gone,” Shen Liangsheng replied straightforwardly. “Maybe there’s something we
can use on the dresser.”
Ch’in Ching
rummaged through the dresser and found a bottle of what might have been face
cream. He poured some onto his palm to warm it before pushing it into the
entrance. Eventually, he could fit two digits in and cautiously slid the third one
in. This entire process took nearly fifteen minutes as he feared causing Shen
Liangsheng any pain.
Ch’in Ching’s
erection had been standing tall this entire time, and Shen Liangsheng felt bad
just looking at it, so he spoke up. “That’s enough. Are you coming in, baby?”
It had been so
long since the man had called Ch’in Ching that, and his heart skipped a beat.
He could no longer hold back. After taking his fingers out, he patted the man’s
hips signalling him to turn over.
“Let’s just stay
like this.” Shen Liangsheng took a pillow and tucked it under his hip. He even
reached to the lamp on the bedside table turning it on. “I want to see you.”
Ch’in Ching did
not reply but his face became even redder – which puzzled him. He was the one
on top this time, so why was he the one being bashful? Meanwhile, his hands did
not rest; he poured a bit of the cream onto his own member and spread it out
before slowly sinking into Shen Liangsheng. While doing so, he kept eye contact
with the man.
“Does it hurt?”
he asked softly.
Shen Liangsheng
shook his head, but his brows furrowed the slightest. His unfocused eyes looked
back at Ch’in Ching rendering the latter utterly speechless and his heartbeat
wilder and wilder.
Ch’in Ching knew
it must have hurt, but at the same time, the sight before him was irresistible.
It was just as he remembered – eyes like the misty hills in spring or still,
silvery lakes at night, and long, fluttering lashes – and he could not help but
plant feathery kisses on them.
“How can you be so good-looking?” He went as far as to
demand an answer.
“It doesn’t hurt
that much, really.”
Amused, Shen
Liangsheng reassured the man while pushing his hips upward to tell the man to
hurry it up. There were no promises as to who would be on top if this adorable
behaviour continued any longer.
Ch’in Ching had yearned for it for so long that it
almost seemed surreal now he was actually inside the man. He slowly rocked his
hips while pecking the man’s lips, occasionally calling out his name between
kisses.
Shen Liangsheng
held Ch’in Ching’s head with one hand as their lips and tongues joined in an
erotic dance with one another. The other hand was on the man’s waist and then
trailed down to the place where they were connected caressing the man’s groin.
Not wanting to
cause pain, Ch’in Ching had been holding back his desire to move faster but
could no longer when his erotic zones were being stimulated so. He gave a few
quick thrusts but stopped shortly. “Mhm…don’t….”
“You feel good?”
Though his entrance felt painfully stretched, Shen Liangsheng could bear with
it and still had strength left to tease Ch’in Ching not only verbally but
physically. His one hand slid along the crack and slipped a finger in using the
excess cream nearby as lubricant. He asked as he pumped it in and out a few
times, “I bet this feels even better, huh?”
Lying on top of
Shen Liangsheng, Ch’in Ching was completely enveloped by the man on one end
feeling as though he would melt any second while the man was also inside him on
the other end. Although it was only one finger and it did not reach the right
spot, the stimulation added something extra to the act. He couldn’t suppress
his wanton moans as he resumed thrusting, going faster and faster. His nipples
perked up, and the man began squeezing them with his left hand. He felt as
though he was on fire, and his hole twitched uncontrollably around the man’s
finger.
“Did you miss it?”
Shen Liangsheng brought Ch’in Ching’s hand to his swollen member.
“Yeah,” Ch’in
Ching murmured an answer. He held the shaft and began stroking it in time with
his thrusts.
Out of nowhere, he
added, “I’ve missed you, Shen Liangsheng.”
Shen Liangsheng
immediately slid his mischievous finger out and hugged the man with both arms,
pressing him tightly into his arms. He lay silently breathing into the man’s
ear for a few seconds before replying hoarsely,
“I’ve missed you,
too.”
After the lovemaking, the two bathed together and spent
a long time snuggled in bed talking.
Shen Liangsheng
told Ch’in Ching about his childhood, about his mother. As he embraced the man
and kissed his forehead in the dark, he recited for him Elizabeth Barrett
Browning’s poems of love. His tone was flat and held little emotion, but the
words themselves were rich and earnest and spoke of a lost legend from a
faraway land, a story that had nothing to do with them.
It seemed their
story had long begun, or perhaps it had only just begun.
But all stories about two people began with
the first sonnet –
Straightway I was ’ware,
So weeping, how a
mystic Shape did move
Behind me, and
drew me backward by the hair;
And a voice said
in mastery, while I strove –
“Guess now who
holds thee!” – “Death,” I said. But, there,
The silver answer
rang, “Not Death, but Love.”
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
The Ch'inhuai (Qinhuai) River is a branch of the Yangtze and runs through central Nanjing.
Main tourist section of Ch'inhuai River, night and day, present day Nanjing
Tianjin wonton
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
On the malice in Shen Liangsheng's life:
In Chinese Buddhism, like many other forms of Buddhism, it is believed that your existence spans an infinite amount of lifetimes, and the karma from all your lifetimes are seen as a collective. The "malice" or in more literal translation, the "malignant spirits" are a form of payback for the sins of bloodshed Shen had committed in his previous lifetime(s). Shen is born into his life in this story with these evil spirits attached to his existence, and these spirits will bring life-threatening disasters upon him in this life and the next to return the amount of blood he had shed in his previous life(ves)
For more information:
Ts'ao Ju-lin
Wu P'ei-fu
Ch'inhuai River
Nanking Massacre
When Will You Return? (performance by Teresa Teng)
Wonton
Householder
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
ayszhang: SURPRISE :D bet you didn't see that coming!
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Till Death Do Us Part - English Translation by ayszhang is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
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